|
Alpha Course Testimonial Anonymous
For many years, I have been carrying a weight on my shoulders. It was not until the Alpha weekend that this weight was lifted and an overwhelming feeling of forgiveness was felt. The Alpha weekend was the start of a new found faith in my life. Let me explain.
I have always held a secret from my past, very guarded without allowing myself to be forgiven. From the moment I walked into the Alpha weekend retreat home, a strong sense of my past was felt. Numerous times during the weekend, I found myself crying for no apparent reason. Little did I realize that I was letting go of my past and allowing the Holy Spirit to enter. At the age of 21, I became pregnant. I was already living on my own, working full-time and carrying a 15 credit hour college load. How was I going to care for a child? College graduation was only a year away. I felt that terminating my pregnancy was the only choice. From this time on, Mother's Day became the most difficult day of the year. Very few friends knew about my pregnancy or the decision made not to keep the child. A few times, I turned to a psychiatrist to help me deal with my decision. The only response I ever received was that I should move on with my life. The abortion was years ago and I should not dwell on it. Needless to say, I dwelled on the fact that I made the choice to kill a child for many years. This is not an easy event to forgive. I rarely turned to God due to feeling so ashamed and embarrassed of my decision. Towards the end of the Alpha weekend, we were all given the opportunity to receive the Holy Spirit. I remained sitting while praying to God for forgiveness for terminating my pregnancy. As I began to cry, I heard a voice in my head saying "Mom it's OK. I'm OK. Please forgive yourself because I am with God." Not believing what I heard, I closed my eyes. A vision then appeared of a man in a white cloth holding the hand of a young boy. Once again I heard, "Mom, I'm OK". I became overwhelmed and began to cry even harder. Father Kevin then tapped me on the shoulder asking to come receive the Holy Spirit. As Father Kevin and Julia began to pray over me, the vision and voice appeared again. I felt this huge weight leave my shoulders. I finally felt that God was saying it was time to forgive myself. Tears remained throughout the evening as I heard the words repeated in my head "Mom, I'm OK". The first time in many years I felt the power and love of God in my life. My Alpha experience has changed my life and love of God for ever. |